Riding Waves

 I know one day, 

I will look back in awe.

Of how we survived this all!

But right now it feels like,

Am walking a tight rope,

Struggling to balance,

Atop buildings so tall.

Just when the storm seemed to settle a bit,

Gushes in another high tide.

These aren't the kind of waves,

I know how to ride.

Stuck in an endless loop of chores, 

Daunting piles of laundry,

Sink full of dishes,

And tummies that are hungry.

Juggling work amidst tantrums,

Being needed all day long.

Battling anxiety within,

Trying hard to stay strong.

The frequent, snarky retorts, 

And the guilt trips that follow,

Which only doubles,

When in self pity at times I wallow.

Yes, am blessed and grateful.

I remind myself everyday.

But sometimes, just sometimes,

I need to just let me be,

And allow myself to sulk my blues away.

Tomorrow, I promise, 

To put my optimist coat on.

But today, I am OK being not OK.

It's exhausting, it's tough,

I am just tired and forlorn.

- Nandita

Nobody but You!

 Nobody but you,

Knows you through and through,

Every disguised emotion,

Tiniest joys and blues.

Nobody but you,

Accompanies you,

From your very first minute to your last.

Rejoices, grieves, reminisces, 

Each memory with you,

From the past.

Nobody but you, 

Can call your shots, 

For you.

They can only cheer you on, 

Your family and friends,

Old and new.

Nobody but you,

Knows your history.

Your every struggle and victory.

Overcome the self doubt,

You are the hero of your life,

Script your own story.

Nobody but you, 

Owes you happiness, 

In it's truest form.

Promise to be there for you.

Amidst worldly turmoil, 

Be your own calm.

Nobody but you, 

Can love you, 

Like you do others.

Expect nothing less from you,

Love yourself deeply,

Prioritise what matters.

- Nandita Pai

Stormy Days

 Somedays I wake up hopeful,

That the rain clouds will pass by.

On others, all I want to do,

Is curl up and cry.

My heart aches everyday,

The anguish around is too much to take in.

Feels like am standing on quick sand, 

Just waiting for my turn to sink in.

It takes all my might, 

To shake away the fear,

And go about with my life.

As thoughts wander back to those,

Who are merely fighting for life, oh dear.

Little things I had taken for granted,

I treasure now and am grateful for today.

Petty minuses I once cribbed about,

Seem to just blur away.

Amidst all this distress,

Humanity is shining bright.

Through this thick hazy fog, 

Like warm sun light.

We are in this together,

Let's help in anyway we can, 

Love and then love some more.

Be kind to one another,

Now, more than ever.

Everyone copes differently,

There isn't a right and wrong way on how.

Do whatever soothes your soul,

Survival mode it is, right now.

This too shall pass,

Every storm has to end.

Let's stay safe and count our blessings,

While we pray for the world to heal and mend.

- Nandita 💛

Happy 5th Birthday

 I am giving it my all,

And then some more,

Am I doing enough,

Always unsure.

Should I have been more patient?

Played a littler longer?

No matter what I do,

This mom-guilt, oh bugger! 

Time is slipping through my hands,

Like the grains of sand.

Life is hurriedly moving on.

No matter how tightly I try to hold on.

My heart swells with pride,

Loving you, is my favourite thing to do.

It silently aches too,

Knowing, you are growing up too soon.

All days aren't easy,

I won't lie.

Some are tough, seem too long,

But the years, ah... they just whizz by.

I close my eyes,

Give out a helpless sigh.

Snippets of your toddler days,

Like a movie, flash by.

I remember your toothless smiles,

The insanely cute yawns.

I remember your enchanting baby scent,

The adorable commando crawls.

I remember your first day of school,

And how I shed a tear,

I also remember yearning for nap-times,

Just for a few minutes of quiet, oh dear.

I remember all your magical firsts,

Memories etched deep in my heart.

It's the transitions that are a haze,

Stealthily onto us, they crept.

I don't know,

When the baby fat bid adieu,

Or when the trusty diaper bag,

No longer was part of our travel crew.

I don't know,

When 'helicopu' became 'helicopter'.

Or when you last used your sipper.

I don't recall,

When you outgrew your onesies,

Boy, so glad you still need me,

To kiss away your ouchies. 

Times when I tumble and fall,

Trying to figure out this motherhood thing,

Little one, you always lift me up.

A meaning to my life, you bring.

You teach me everyday,

To live, laugh and forgive unconditionally.

You overlook my every imperfection,

And just love me blindly.

Grateful to be granted,

With the front row seat.

To watch you grow,

Into a little person, so utterly sweet.

Thank you for choosing me as your Mumma, 

And riding this crazy wave with me,

When I count my blessings, I count you twice, 

Happiest 5, my sweet pea ❤️

To the year, unlike any other!

Oh 2020,

What a year you have been! 

A test I did not sign up for,

Not even in my dream!

Routines were fired,

Uncertainty ruled.

Normalcy masked away,

Anxiety ensued.

More balls got thrown into the act,

Of the multitasking juggle.

Dawn to dusk, a daily marathon,

Hustle - hustle - hustle.

Weekdays and weekends,

Merged as one.

Me-time? Wait, what's that?

Are you kidding, Hon?

Worry crept in sometimes,

Played it's melancholy tunes.

Such days, spent in a daze.

Battling the blues.

Locked up indoors,

Isolated from the world.

Life seemed like a drag,

Times when I let myself brood.

And then,

Amidst all this chaos,

I foot the brake pedal,

Urge myself to slowdown,

To let go, to pause.

I remind myself,

To be grateful, 

Strengthen my faith,

And remain ever so hopeful.

To be thankful to technology,

For keeping a tab on my sanity.

To make time to fill my cup,

For I cannot serve when it's empty.

To create memories while we await,

The rainbow to surface.

To not wait for the storm to pass,

But to dance while it still rains!

It's been long and exhausting,

What an ordeal, oh boy!

Dear 2021,

Please bring along some joy! 💛