Mind says ‘Move on…’ Heart says ‘Hang on…’!

[Published in Woman's Era July 2010]

It has never failed to surprise me…how life can change in a matter of few months… days… minutes… in fact even in just a few seconds! “The only thing constant in life is change!” Oh yes, so true, a quote that I strongly believe in. But yet, this human heart dwells in emotions rather than practicality and so, is not up to speed as the mind to accept certain facts of life. It deals with changes in its own emotional ways.

Many a times we are left stranded in this arena in life, where we are forced to make a choice to let go of the lovely present… with the promise of a lovelier tomorrow or just hold on to and prolong the present opting to ignore what we may be losing if we dint attempt to move on. The mind foreseeing the lovelier future, prepares to move on, while the sentimental heart wants to hang on to ‘what is’ for as long as it can. And in most, if not all of these situations, the ‘letting go’ does blossom into a fruitful promise and the effort all seems worth it. And it’s only a matter of time when the timid heart agrees.

Taking a step back and observing the scene from a different perspective, this choice of moving on or hanging on isn’t really made by us, it is already pre-planned by Him, and He just lets us do it our way. In other words, He directs the scene and we enact it! Hence what has to happen is what would ultimately happen. And everything happens only for the good and things would eventually fall in place!

But however, from the common man’s perspective, life really isn’t as simple as I just made it sound, because life is a package of emotions, sentiments, reminiscence and memories which stands hurdle to practical thinking many a times!

The whole point of gathering such ‘life changing’ thoughts is because I am just experiencing yet another such situation in my life and at the moment am in the phase where my emotional heart is catching up with the reality that my mind has willingly and practically accepted.

Everyone would agree when I say that 5 months is a long time to create a bonding. I still distinctly remember the humid Sunday afternoon, when my friend drove an excited me to the dealer’s office and I set my eyes on the beauty for the first time. I couldn’t stop my smile and it was love at first sight! After minimal discussion, in a just over half an hour, I made her mine. I bought my first car on the 27th of September 2009 and thereby lived my long term dream of owning a car in the United States. My joy knew no bounds as I stood there wide grinned and awestruck with what I had just achieved. Key in hand, the beauty parked next to me… I was all set to zoom around flaunting my cute little Hyundai coupe!

It was exactly in a week after landing in America for the second time that I had made the purchase. And people had their own opinions on this; some felt it was a hurried decision, some felt I should have waited… so on and so forth. I knew I had only 6 months within which I had to fulfill my dreams, and satisfy myself, therefore setting my priorities right, I just went by what I believed and trusted in. And there was no looking back on that decision, which I today believe is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

Ever since I bought my car, life has never been the same. It added colour to my life and made my days merrier. It did not take me long to personalize the number plate of my car, which according to me is the best part of owning a car in America. I had already thought up a name for my baby and hence christened it as “NANZ”!

The moment I felt lonely at home, I would get into my cozy coupe and drive aimlessly into the beautiful roads of Richmond… enjoying the sights as I drive along… singing along with my favorite music… enjoying the pride of driving my very own car…. and basically feeling on top of the world. Even driving down the same roads, listening to the same music dint bore me, I enjoyed every moment of it.

Several long drives, across different states… several errand drives… countless leisure drives…. several airport pickups/drops… daily drives to office… well well… NANZ has been with me through all this and more.

Life seemed perfect. I had fashioned a comfortable lifestyle for myself in this faraway land. I had to depend on none; my routine was set by me and I loved it! And at times I just couldn’t imagine my life without NANZ. She had gelled into my lifestyle so much, that I could not picture myself without it.

Then there came the situation, when I had to move on. It seemed like 5 months has jus whizzed past. It was that time when I had to make arrangements on moving out of the States and put an end to my lovely lifestyle with NANZ. I always knew it was coming, and it was something I had always planned for. But let me tell you, knowing it would happen and actually going through it as it happens is a world of difference.

Well, right guess… NANZ was on sale! :( As enquiries flooded in and people drifted in to have a look at her, bitter sweet feelings brewed within me. The feeling that NANZ is in demand and would soon be settled for a good deal before I leave ridding me of tension, made my mind happy but letting go of my beloved NANZ made my heart crinkle and cry.

Many came n went, and finally the right one came by. He liked my car (well…who wouldn’t!!) and offered to pay me the amount I expected. The deal seemed good and I didn’t want to miss it, the only hitch was that he wanted my car immediately, which was ten days prior to my date of travel. My heart said no thinking of the premature farewell. But well, my practical mind decided not to let this deal slip by and hence agreed for it. That left me just one more day with NANZ!

Not wanting to lose a minute, I just drove n drove and spent some precious moments with my classy coupe. Drove to my heart’s content and prepared it to let go of NANZ… after my last drive, I parked at my apt and just sat there listening to my favorite song, nostalgically re-living every memory associated with my first love. It really ached at my heart to let go, but I had to move on…

Mournfully removed my personalized number plate and collected every personal belonging and traces from my car and was finally all set, to give her away. In a few minutes he came, papers were signed, money was received and the key was handed over, the deal was completed! With a very proud ‘new-car-owner’ smile the buyer walked out of the door. In just a few seconds, ‘my NANZ’ became…. his car…

The beautiful feeling of returning home-sweet-home and the ‘India-calling’ mood sunk into my mind and it was all set to pack up and move on… but dear me, my emotional heart is still battling to cope (and would continue to do so for the next few days…) with the changes that are taking place in my life… It’s just a matter of few days before my heart realizes and embraces the ‘lovelier tomorrow’ that is in store for me…

Well that’s life… I have to move on, and I am doing just that!

It only takes...

It only takes…

A selfless act of kindness,
Lending a helping hand…

…To bring a soulful smile across the wrinkles,
Of a betrayed lonesome tramp.

It only takes…

A reckless moment of madness,
Insane portrayal of anger…
…To shatter the dreams of an innocent,
By the pull of the deadly trigger.

It only takes…

A sincere and heartfelt ‘Yes’
Expressed by a fondly loved…
…To make the world seem magical,
For the ecstatic lover, who had jus proposed.

It only takes…

A flashback of stirring memories,
Reminiscence of the past,
…To evoke bitter-sweet emotions,
Of a relationship that did not last.

It only takes…

A forgiving teddy-embrace,
Warm, loving and tender…
…To get back the sparkle in the teary eyes,
Of the child who jus owned up his err.

It only takes…

A hasty squabble,
Battle of egos and wits.
…To distance relationships,
And unintentionally wound hearts.

It only takes…

A few moments of merriment,
Some time off from the daily humdrum…
…To make her feel special,
Ever caring Grand-mum.

It only takes…

An instance of weakness,
Momentary blindness of what is right.
…To opt to go the wrong way,
And let be misguided.

It only takes…

A simple sweet smile,
Served with wholehearted generosity,
…To create a lasting first impression,
Rather than sinking into anonymity.

It only takes…

Earnest enchanting desires,
Fantasies and wishful dreams.
…To make life beautiful,
Decorated with glitter and gleam…!

Life Is...

Life is a "Rollercoaster"

So rightly compared.
A personalized thrill ride,
For each one, onboard.
There are its climbs and falls,

And heart-skipping trails,
Just hold tight and go for it,
To excite you, it never fails.

Life is a "Cocktail"
Emotions perfectly blend.
Sweet & sour come as a package,
Cos... That's how it is served!
The potpourri of flavors,
May baffle you at times,
Sip on and enjoy it,
Through this confusion... jus smile.

Life is a "Miracle"
Ponder about it as much as you wish.
Everything eventually seems perfectly planned,
As if, triggered by a magic wand's swish!
Until it actually passes by,
Even the next day seems a mystery.
Make the most of each moment,
Simply live it up royally!

Life is a "Jigsaw Puzzle"
Each phase in life - a piece of the maze.
Rush not to solve this riddle...
Cos slowly but surely, the pieces fall in place,
Every piece, flawlessly created,
Fits exactly into the puzzle,
The perfection of the final picture,
Leaves you awestruck & bedazzled!

Life is a "Child's Play"
A no-complex, fun-filled game.
Winners & losers, there are none,
Every player is treated the same.
Giggle along, make merry,
Delight you heart.
Take pleasure in its simple joys.
Just play your part, play smart

Rhythm of Life

A warm 'Good Morning' greeting,

Just as you u rise from deep slumber...

A mesmerizing dream so realistic,

Which forever, you cherish and remember...

A secret giggle with your best pal,

Unknown to anyone else around...

A spontaneous exchange of smiles with a stranger,

Which leaves you spellbound.

A hush-hush glance of interest,

Thrown at you by a person you secretly fancy.

The overwhelming joy,

Of knowing you mean the world to somebody!

A loving hug from grandma dearest,

Inducing a feeling of being the most treasured in this whole world,

A stolen kiss on those soft tender cheeks,

Of a sleeping baby, only a few days old...

Looking up at the cloudy sky,

Permitting the rain drops to caress your face...

Flirting with danger - yelling your lungs out...

And stepping off a thrill ride, in a daze!

Freaking out with beloved friends,

And losing yourself to craziness,

The priceless bliss experienced,

When you are the cause, for someone's happiness.

Coping with the despair,

Unintentionally, caused by a loved one.

Counting the seconds as they slowly pass,

In the absence and wait of a special person...

Dancing like no one is watching,

And laughing without reasons...

Portraying serenity at times...

Owing to mood swings, just as seasons...

The delight of being understood,

With unsaid words through the voice of the eyes...

An utmost feeling of contentment,

Of executing a well planned surprise...

Bitter-sweet feelings of separation,

At those moments of farewell...

Leaving behind a phase in life,

And traveling to the next level...

It's in the little things in life,

Where its real essence lies,

Live it up and move on,

Just sway to the rhythm of life!!

Reminiscence…

A lot can happen, in two years and a half. In fact a lot has happened…In these two years and a half!!!

Still fresh in my mind… is the day one… the day one @ Cogni!!

A cute smiling face peeped out of the car that was along side the bike my dad and me were traveling in… It was a very memorable ride for me… and with apparent excitement; she greeted me with a friendly ‘Hi’. She seemed very happy for some reason. I found out the reason in a few moments. Upon reaching our common destination, I was instructed by my new ‘middle-of-the-road-acquaintance’ to wait for her. She had figured I was from the same college as her’s… she had recognized me in the midst of the traffic!... and was elated that she had with her, at least one remotely familiar face, amidst an ocean of unknown faces we were just going to meet.

I was elated from my side too, to have found my first companion, and with whom I can share my ‘first-day-jitters’ with… as I ventured into my exciting odyssey into the corporate world…

...Introducing Karpagam… - Oh….I learnt not just her name…but quite a lot about this Tamilian Brahmin… apart from the fact that she is from the same college as me, but a different department from mine. In just 5 minutes of interaction with this peppy ‘chitter-chatter’ gal whom I gladly be-friended, I already liked her and was pleased to have met another person who loves talking as much as I do!! :)

After about quarter an hour, my class mate from college… a dimply mallu gal… Introducing Vidya… joined me, as we had pre-planned to meet at the venue before going inside the meeting hall for our formal induction sessions. A brief introduction was made between these two gals and after a little MOPian chat, we stepped inside the hall…Karpagam with her gang and me with mine.

[Amidst the sea of new faces, sat somewhere two more gals and guys from four different colleges… unknown to each other (…as yet…) equally excited and anxious as the 3 gals from MOP!!! ]

In the coming days… the once totally unfamiliar faces, seemed familiar and smiles and greetings were exchanged randomly between this new set of about a few hundred people… who together came to be called as the ‘ELT Batch mates of July 2005’.

Eventually after a week of group induction, this huge gang was split up into several smaller groups of ‘training batches’ of about 25 in each… college mates’ n newly formed friends were separated  in this process and new friendships were forced to be formed…however, we the MOPian landed up in the same group… which was named ‘AM005’!

As we celebrated our being together… one quite gal sat amidst us, quite apparently missing her friend who was put into the other class. But this Iyer ponnu was not gonna be left lonely… introducing Archana… joined the three of us for coffee breaks @ our favourite ‘Horlicks bar’ and girlie chitter-chatter. All being from similar background – BSc grad, day scholars from girl’s college… it didn’t take us too long to form a close knit gang and enjoy this new fun-life… which we referred to as a ‘second college’ @ Siruseri!

In AM005, there was this pretty looking gal, with whom I didn’t have much interaction with until we were put into the same assignment team… after which we grew so fond of each other, for reasons unknown. Delicately made up hairstyle, neatly done make up and a smile fixed on to her face at all times… oh yes…I still remember the way her face lit up during those frequent calls from her beloved (…at that time, I jus guessed...) …introducing Maha.

As I slowly mingled with my fellow trainees along with these gals, a new found excitement creeped up in me… after three years of college life with only girls around (…hehe...!) this mixed gathering brought a spark of excitement along… and several hidden qualities within me (…which I myself didn’t realize I had possessed…until then…) were brought to the fore!

One day, it was during the time when ‘Exit-Tests’ were round the corner and the neighboring class had already had them… we wanted to check on how it went through… I found one guy from that class approachable… (…or so I thought!) During a coffee break, I walked up to him and enquired about the test… and poor guy…I still remember (…am sure, so would Kappu…) the nervousness he portrayed just to answer a question put across by a stranger gal! :) It was a comical scene… introducing Harish. And hence grew the friendship (…slowly the nervousness ceased…and our friend’s circle also widened…)

There were several little gangs formed at Siruseri. One of the more prominent one of them was the bunch of notorious guys whose main hobby was teasing just anyone who passed by. And we were no exceptions to that. Gutsy nicknames were created… (…Maha was ‘Mema’ – Makeup Maha!! & Me – Candy!! Reason? Ask them!!... ) crazy remarks were passed and in this process these guys successfully managed to get into the hate list of many delicate gals… who feared these pranksters! But I found them extremely funny…! Especially one main brat of the gang… (…whose name we figured out from the register one day… :) )… Introducing Tommy. Never did I speak to this guy during training… but had decided one day I would… and that was to happen one day after our training came to an end…

Before we knew it, two months were up… and it was time to bid good byes to friends and batch mates. Much trepidation was created on the probable transfer of entire AM005 to Coimbatore. A week long of suspense prevailed… which I termed as ‘negative surprise’ for some reason…! It was during one of our anxious days @ TCO that I be-friended Tommy… the brat we were so used to seeing in Siruseri, had turned into a gentleman. Two reasons for this… (1) He was not with his gang of Brats!! (2) He was already allocated into a project and monsieur was probably trying to look serious on his new job!! :)

At last the long wait ended and each of us from our batch was allocated into projects right in Chennai! It was a bitter-sweet moment for all of us. The happiness of learning that Coimbatore episode ended… mixed with the somberness on parting with friends… once again… and this time for good!

Each one of us got busy settling into our new projects and our little gang was split.  

[But little did we know then, that that was just the beginning!!:) ]

Archu and Me ended up in the same project (…am still coursing my bad luck for that!!... :P ), Maha ended up in Tommy’s team. Kappu and Vids were allocated to different projects in different locations and Harish was yet to be allocated.

Slowly, (…I still don’t know how it happened so smoothly…!) we formed a sort of gang @ Navallur when all of us except dear Kappu moved to that location. Tommy and Harish were introduced to each other by us the gals, and they got along great. And then came by one team mate of Archu’s and mine who was a few months senior to us but somehow fitted into our gang so easily… introducing Swadeep.

Personalized-group mails were exchanged… fun and frolic never ended… the madness for photos were equally shared by all…birthday treat outing…surprise parties… home visiting……and lo!! “Dearies” was created!!! :) This bunch of 8… spelt absolute fun and nurture unlimited memories to carry for years to come…

Today as I sit here and recollect all the times we have had together, I smile to myself as I recall the various developments that have happened in each of the Dearies’ lives… “Promotions… job recogonition…project shifts…personal problems… little quarrels and fights… misunderstandings… secret moments…lending shoulder to each other, for comfort… higher studies…resignations… onsite travels… proposals… hints of wedding bells (wonder who is gonna be the first!!!)...“   and so on and so forth…

Life really has changed a LOT in the past 2 years and a half…and we have come a very long way from being absolute strangers….to the closest of friends. But one thing has never changed… and will never change… it’s the special bond that we share with each other and above all else…. Our Friendship!! :)