Mind says ‘Move on…’ Heart says ‘Hang on…’!

[Published in Woman's Era July 2010]

It has never failed to surprise me…how life can change in a matter of few months… days… minutes… in fact even in just a few seconds! “The only thing constant in life is change!” Oh yes, so true, a quote that I strongly believe in. But yet, this human heart dwells in emotions rather than practicality and so, is not up to speed as the mind to accept certain facts of life. It deals with changes in its own emotional ways.

Many a times we are left stranded in this arena in life, where we are forced to make a choice to let go of the lovely present… with the promise of a lovelier tomorrow or just hold on to and prolong the present opting to ignore what we may be losing if we dint attempt to move on. The mind foreseeing the lovelier future, prepares to move on, while the sentimental heart wants to hang on to ‘what is’ for as long as it can. And in most, if not all of these situations, the ‘letting go’ does blossom into a fruitful promise and the effort all seems worth it. And it’s only a matter of time when the timid heart agrees.

Taking a step back and observing the scene from a different perspective, this choice of moving on or hanging on isn’t really made by us, it is already pre-planned by Him, and He just lets us do it our way. In other words, He directs the scene and we enact it! Hence what has to happen is what would ultimately happen. And everything happens only for the good and things would eventually fall in place!

But however, from the common man’s perspective, life really isn’t as simple as I just made it sound, because life is a package of emotions, sentiments, reminiscence and memories which stands hurdle to practical thinking many a times!

The whole point of gathering such ‘life changing’ thoughts is because I am just experiencing yet another such situation in my life and at the moment am in the phase where my emotional heart is catching up with the reality that my mind has willingly and practically accepted.

Everyone would agree when I say that 5 months is a long time to create a bonding. I still distinctly remember the humid Sunday afternoon, when my friend drove an excited me to the dealer’s office and I set my eyes on the beauty for the first time. I couldn’t stop my smile and it was love at first sight! After minimal discussion, in a just over half an hour, I made her mine. I bought my first car on the 27th of September 2009 and thereby lived my long term dream of owning a car in the United States. My joy knew no bounds as I stood there wide grinned and awestruck with what I had just achieved. Key in hand, the beauty parked next to me… I was all set to zoom around flaunting my cute little Hyundai coupe!

It was exactly in a week after landing in America for the second time that I had made the purchase. And people had their own opinions on this; some felt it was a hurried decision, some felt I should have waited… so on and so forth. I knew I had only 6 months within which I had to fulfill my dreams, and satisfy myself, therefore setting my priorities right, I just went by what I believed and trusted in. And there was no looking back on that decision, which I today believe is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

Ever since I bought my car, life has never been the same. It added colour to my life and made my days merrier. It did not take me long to personalize the number plate of my car, which according to me is the best part of owning a car in America. I had already thought up a name for my baby and hence christened it as “NANZ”!

The moment I felt lonely at home, I would get into my cozy coupe and drive aimlessly into the beautiful roads of Richmond… enjoying the sights as I drive along… singing along with my favorite music… enjoying the pride of driving my very own car…. and basically feeling on top of the world. Even driving down the same roads, listening to the same music dint bore me, I enjoyed every moment of it.

Several long drives, across different states… several errand drives… countless leisure drives…. several airport pickups/drops… daily drives to office… well well… NANZ has been with me through all this and more.

Life seemed perfect. I had fashioned a comfortable lifestyle for myself in this faraway land. I had to depend on none; my routine was set by me and I loved it! And at times I just couldn’t imagine my life without NANZ. She had gelled into my lifestyle so much, that I could not picture myself without it.

Then there came the situation, when I had to move on. It seemed like 5 months has jus whizzed past. It was that time when I had to make arrangements on moving out of the States and put an end to my lovely lifestyle with NANZ. I always knew it was coming, and it was something I had always planned for. But let me tell you, knowing it would happen and actually going through it as it happens is a world of difference.

Well, right guess… NANZ was on sale! :( As enquiries flooded in and people drifted in to have a look at her, bitter sweet feelings brewed within me. The feeling that NANZ is in demand and would soon be settled for a good deal before I leave ridding me of tension, made my mind happy but letting go of my beloved NANZ made my heart crinkle and cry.

Many came n went, and finally the right one came by. He liked my car (well…who wouldn’t!!) and offered to pay me the amount I expected. The deal seemed good and I didn’t want to miss it, the only hitch was that he wanted my car immediately, which was ten days prior to my date of travel. My heart said no thinking of the premature farewell. But well, my practical mind decided not to let this deal slip by and hence agreed for it. That left me just one more day with NANZ!

Not wanting to lose a minute, I just drove n drove and spent some precious moments with my classy coupe. Drove to my heart’s content and prepared it to let go of NANZ… after my last drive, I parked at my apt and just sat there listening to my favorite song, nostalgically re-living every memory associated with my first love. It really ached at my heart to let go, but I had to move on…

Mournfully removed my personalized number plate and collected every personal belonging and traces from my car and was finally all set, to give her away. In a few minutes he came, papers were signed, money was received and the key was handed over, the deal was completed! With a very proud ‘new-car-owner’ smile the buyer walked out of the door. In just a few seconds, ‘my NANZ’ became…. his car…

The beautiful feeling of returning home-sweet-home and the ‘India-calling’ mood sunk into my mind and it was all set to pack up and move on… but dear me, my emotional heart is still battling to cope (and would continue to do so for the next few days…) with the changes that are taking place in my life… It’s just a matter of few days before my heart realizes and embraces the ‘lovelier tomorrow’ that is in store for me…

Well that’s life… I have to move on, and I am doing just that!