Table for One, Please!

Zoomed in a tad much,

Into this motherhood gig,

The clarity was beginning to blur.

It was time to step back,

Fill up that cup,

Just spend some quality time with her.

I wanted to check on her,

The girl who slipped,

To the bottom of my list.

The one who loved her life, 

But was irked at the feeling,

That something was amiss.

So after weeks of dodging the idea,

I decided to take her on a trip.

Not as the wife or the mother.

Just the ‘Me’ that I am, before am any of these!

A debut solo travel,

To a city anew,

Seemed a tiny bit daunting to me,

But exciting too.

I really needed to do this for myself,

Mr., only urged me on.

So off I went on a little adventure,

2 days without my mom-cape on.

Figuring my way around the city,

Tackling some booking issues,

Wandering the streets in solitude,

Soaking in the local views.

Shushing the noises in my head,

Listening to my own thoughts,

Rescheduling plans at my will, 

At times opting to just nap it out.

Binge watching into the midnight, 

Shopping at my pace, unhurried.

Filling my head space with joy,

Not clouding it up with worry.

Relishing meals in peace,

Visiting places that I please.

I was surprising myself,

At how I felt so much at ease.

Slaying away my initial self doubt,

And inhibitions of being alone.

I truly enjoyed my own company,

Smiled at my confidence, as it shone.

The cup is full to its brim,

The zest is back with a bang.

Am all set to get my act together,

And reunite with my little gang! 💛

To me, From me

I am exactly, 

Where I want to be.

Contented with my life, 

At peace, in harmony. 

As another year rolls by,

And the greys build their army.

A few lines of wisdom,

From me... to me!

Be true, be you,

The world will adjust.

Don't just follow the crowd,

Explore a path of your own, instead.

Upgrade yourself,

In your priority list.

Enjoy your own company,

Converse with your thoughts.

Don't put away that parlour appointment, 

Drink that coffee, while it's still hot.

Focus your energy on what's worth it.

Let go of, what is not.

Follow your heart,

It always knows the route.

Choose happiness,

Whenever in doubt.

Be proud of your journey, 

Of how far you have come.

Be patient, be resilient.

There is nothing you cannot overcome.

Forever be grateful,

For the blessings from above.

Today, pause and celebrate 'You', 

Happy Birthday, Love! ❤️

Motherhood

Where you feel beyond blessed,

To mean the world to a little person.

Yet feeling moments of loneliness,

Amidst all the 'being needed', is real.

Where even the off key babbles,

Are music to your ears.

Yet craving for some quiet,

Then finding silence deafening, is real.

Where you realise you can love selflessly,

Beyond measures you knew not until now.

Yet missing your younger carefree self,

Yearning alone-time, is real. 

Where you learn to unlearn a whole lot,

As you rock your own parenting journey.

Yet often feeling lost amidst the chaos,

Wishing for a wand or a manual, is real.

Where you surprise yourself with immense strength,

Physical and emotional.

Yet drenching in your own tears,

At the silliest of triggers, is real.

Where you are blinded by joy, 

That your heart pounds with gratitude.

Moments later it's your head pounding,

Oh the exhaustion, is real.

Where your little person is your pride, 

You love being known as their mom.

Yet feeling uncertain of your own identity,

Outside of this relationship, is real.

Where you want to soak in every moment, 

And not miss a second.

Yet tuning off from all the chatter,

The mental load, is real.

 

Mundane and magical.

Exhausting and exhilarating.

Brain-draining and beautiful.

Chaotic and calming.

An experience of sweet contradictions.

Of endless happiness and worrying.

If I could reprogram Motherhood,

I would change absolutely nothing! ❤️

Sixth!

If I were to sum up in a word,

This past year of yours,

Without a second thought in my head,

It would be 'Train' of course! 😁

As much as it drives me nuts, 

All that tooting around all day long! 😖

Am awestruck with your unfazed passion,

Your love for railway, so strong!

Am learning to be right on track,

And enjoy this joy ride with you.🛤️

Trying to soak in all the trivia you puff out, 

On diesel, steam and electric trains,

To name a few.

At every railroad crossing,

That come your way,

When unsure on which way to go, 

Just listen to what your heart has to say. 💛

And one day when you,

Decide to change tracks,

And steer towards an interest anew.

I will be chugging along right behind you,

Cheering on, all the way through! 🚂

Yay, It's your birthday, 

"Choo-choo Chuckety Choo !" 

Wish you freight train loads of love and happiness,

Happiest Sixth to you! 🎉

- ☀️Amma

3rd Wave

I know one day, 

I will look back in awe.

Of how we survived this all!

But right now it feels like,

Am walking a tight rope,

Struggling to balance,

Atop buildings so tall.

Just when the storm seemed to settle a bit,

Gushes in another high tide.

These aren't the kind of waves,

I know how to ride.

Stuck in an endless loop of chores, 

Daunting piles of laundry,

Sink full of dishes,

And tummies that are hungry.

Juggling work amidst tantrums,

Being needed all day long.

Battling anxiety within,

Trying hard to stay strong.

The frequent, snarky retorts, 

And the guilt trips that follow,

Which only doubles,

When in self pity at times I wallow.

Yes, am blessed and grateful.

I remind myself everyday.

But sometimes, just sometimes,

I need to just let me be,

And allow myself to sulk my blues away.

Tomorrow, I promise, 

To put my optimist coat on.

But today, I am OK being not OK.

It's exhausting, it's tough,

I am just tired and forlorn.

- Nandita

#nanditapaipoems #sonshinemumma

Riding Waves

 I know one day, 

I will look back in awe.

Of how we survived this all!

But right now it feels like,

Am walking a tight rope,

Struggling to balance,

Atop buildings so tall.

Just when the storm seemed to settle a bit,

Gushes in another high tide.

These aren't the kind of waves,

I know how to ride.

Stuck in an endless loop of chores, 

Daunting piles of laundry,

Sink full of dishes,

And tummies that are hungry.

Juggling work amidst tantrums,

Being needed all day long.

Battling anxiety within,

Trying hard to stay strong.

The frequent, snarky retorts, 

And the guilt trips that follow,

Which only doubles,

When in self pity at times I wallow.

Yes, am blessed and grateful.

I remind myself everyday.

But sometimes, just sometimes,

I need to just let me be,

And allow myself to sulk my blues away.

Tomorrow, I promise, 

To put my optimist coat on.

But today, I am OK being not OK.

It's exhausting, it's tough,

I am just tired and forlorn.

- Nandita